sparky and I have a heart to heart
"you always try to be so stoic when people are lookin', mr. razor, don't you?"
"look, sparky, old boy, I am just trying to be strong for you,
I figure scott would want it that way."
"I am not as old as you, old boy, and I call em like I see em, tough guy, so
if you gotta let it out, just let it out, is all I'm sayin', mr. razor."
"(sniff), really, it's just a head cold sparky...and please, not so formal,
razor is just fine."
"well, scott always said you were a lil' tightly wound...a lil' edgy, if you will..."
"all right, sparky, call me whatever the fuck you want...jeez...you know, I like dogs,
more than I like people...I was a raised in a kennel...out in berdoo...so you can drop
the passive-aggressive thing...I probably talked more to dogs than people, if you
time it out...in my lifetime, I mean..."
"in a kennel? what on earth could those dogs have done to deserve that kind of treatment?"
"well, I was...huh? nevermind...I just wanted to be supportive...you know...throw a stick if you
wanted...maybe a frisbee...I am not so good with frisbees, tho...used em' more for rollin' than throwin' back in tha day, if you knowaddimean?...haha"...
"really? you are amusing to yourself, at the very least, I suppose...anyway, I gotta go...I can smell something
on the wind...um, off in the distance, I mean...where humans can't, soooo....yeah, keep your chin up
and all...don't whistle for me, I'll howl for you and all that"..."arf,arf...arf......arf..........arf"............
"SPARKY!?!?! Sparky!? dammit, come back...ohh...I hate these moments...friends passing on and not sure what to say to anybody anymore...wait...is that? he's coming back...good ole sparky...come here, boy!"
"woof, woooof" pant pant pant "i said "wooof"... pant pant pant
"you sound different, sparky...that run really got the better of you...you gonna be ok?"
"i could use some water...it is hot in here...um, around here"...
"sure, here you go...hey, if you want, I could be your temporary master for awhile, I wouldn't mind"...
"master? are you kiddin' me? I know how to operate an oxygen tank...I am nobody's chump...uh...I mean...look...I might have meant to say something else...I mean"...
"hey, you are not sparky...that is a dog suit...and not a good one at that...god, my eyes are getting bad...come here a second and let me...don't fight me...ow, shit...how did you get a dog suit with claws so sharp? dammit...hold still...holy sheep dip!!! MICHELLE BACHMANN? what the hell are you doing here?'
"(sniffle sniffle) You have found me out, razor...I have secretly been in love with scott wannberg for so long now...I I I ...I just can't believe he is gone...first Rick Perry and now this...I can't take it...I wanted to reach out to scott so many times...no one knows me like he does...I see myself in every one of his works of art in writing"...
"well, he did write about you often, is that what you mean?"
"yes, he was critical on a personal level, but he just really had me down...I mean...I don't even think the little jewish carpenter in the sky knows me as well as scott wannberg does...I wanna be his dog...I wanna be his dog...I can't take it"...
"whoa, off the dickie's, mrs. bachmann...get down...you are one surly bitch, mam...DOWN NOW!!!"
"oh, I'm so sorry...my bladder is so tiny these days...and texas is so big...not as big as scott's heart, tho...he made me wanna forget that stumpjumper from taxas...forget the whole teabagged last one of those corn fed constituents in Iowa...he made me wanna be a L L"...(crumpled in sobs)
"an LL? what the hell is an LL?"
"oh, don't make me say it...a a a..a LIBERAL LUTHERAN...oh god...oh god....please...I don't wanna live...please...I wanna be scott's dog...I wanna be sparky..."
"hey, where is sparky, anyway?"
...on a spiral trail to a worldy place where there are no dogs or masters, just eternal conversations that go round and round where every character actor and actress that ever trickled into the kodachrome and technicolor borealis is remembered as far more valuable than the leading man...this is where the constituency of loving fairness dwells...that is where sparky and scott are now...watching a classic movie channel that never ends with tv westerns in between every movie...always going back and forth with wisdom and insight that is just a lil' further off into the future...not so far that you don't notice as long as you never forget that there is where you need to be...right now, so get there before ya'll come back now, ya hear?...
