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Sunday, June 20, 2010

steprazor - Palamaditas de Oro (Steve Starks Remix) v7 - SoundCloud

steprazor - Palamaditas de Oro (Steve Starks Remix) v7 - SoundCloud

Father's Day

Father's Day

holidays like this
can be meaningless
or hopeless

they seem to
honor an
more than an
or sanctification
of an event

memories of
moments past
lost in a world
of dark corridors
echoing hallways

inside rooms with
locked doors
living in your
own consequences

not having any
idea where one
another were or
existed in this
upside down world

fighting to stay alive
through sleepless nights
in tenements and
abandoned buildings

trying to control
a monster inside
the heart
inside the head
inside the mind
inside the soul

trying not to die
or kill again

losing control

crying tears into
pillows and sleeves
under tight control
that is losing
its grip

trying to keep
it together
on the outside
so no one notices

just drinking and
smoking and shooting
and fighting and fucking
the bad feeling away
as it claws at your back
rips through your mind
tears at your soul

regrets and sorrows and pain
combined with all of the
selfishness and hurt and the
ignorance of not knowing
if it matters anyway

keeping a flame burning
for an unknown result

not sure what it means
or what it meant in an
unknown location to
an unknown person

a child you never got
to see on proper terms
except in your mind
before the guards called
lights out for one more
restless night or in a
state of delusion and
confusion that was self
induced and prescribed
like you knew the cure
for what ailed you
so well
but this will do in its stead

all those years built up high
like the sides of your grave

each year you sink deeper

further from hope and
some type of redemption

the light diminishing
somewhere near the opening
that gets smaller at the top

until one day the phone
finally rings you awake
as a child who is now grown
wishes you a happy day

it is a new day
it is a new life
like you never thought
it would be again

you hold on to
the phone
for a long
after you say
your good byes

you know the
world helped you
you accepted it
you surrendered to it

this is what you
never understood before
when people talked quietly
in a hushed voice and soft tone
about the word

you finally get it


today i awakened broke
and very hungry
i decided to try the soup kitchen
to relieve the pain in my gut
i walk there in a hunger inspired
daze that comes from three days
without food or sleep
just a diet of speed and malt liquor
i stand in line behind this woman
she is very thin and diseased looking
but in my self induced delirium
i think to myself that she is only
a bath, make-up, a bathing suit and a good
hollywood agent away from super-model status
and public objectification
before i can even understand why i would
think such a thing the line begins to move
and we enter the door without any indication that
she even acknowledged my presence
before she takes my hand and leads me
to the bathroom without saying a word
and i remember the time i lost my virginity
to my babysitter without saying a word
so i go willingly and once the bathroom door
is closed and locked behind us
we begin to kiss aggressively
our tongues swelling inside each otherʼs mouth
we are both very hungry
we fondle each other under our
multiple layers of clothing
our skin so much like old leather
our ability to feel so dull
we have to nearly lacerate each other
just to get some sensation
but when we get to our areas
that have gone neglected for so long
a gentle mood overcomes us both
and sex seems so nostalgic
i stroke her clit until her pussy becomes moist
and she caresses my cock and balls
tenderly until i can muster a hard-on
we hastily pull down our pants and crusty
long underwear as she sits back on the edge
of the sink and i cup her ass in my hands as she
pulls my swollen member into her dripping crotch
and the smell is so ripe and i tilt my head back and
close my eyes and begin to stroke
she thrusts her hips up and towards me
and i squeeze her closer with each thrust
until there is a wet slapping and sucking noise
at the same time and then we both begin to moan
and i start to move faster and i come before
she does so begins to rub my flaccid dick
against her clit and fingers herself while i squeeze
her ass and bite her neck until she comes too
i have not bathed in at least two months
and the sweat and jism running down our legs
leaves black marks where it has mixed
in with the crusted on dirt and scum
i look into her eyes into the only beauty
that i have seen for a long time
we embrace and i feel like crying
suddenly she says “i love you”
and the mood is broken
it is the first verbal event
since i first saw her in line
i become angry
what the fuck does she mean by love?
it is just another luxury that i cant afford
and at that moment
the mood is broken again
by someone banging at the door
and i realize that i am still hungry


comely finally here to me
drop confetti stars from
bright eyed sky lights
down to the bottom
turned up in arches
curled like toes on top
a sleeping bag for threes
letting all the air in
without any oxygen
alligator bite marks
scarlet kisses turning
into amber tears of toys
never play again until
the bell rings on the last
attempt at restraint
of licorice whips
twizzled red around
wrists that dance like
plastic arms on dolls
that wet the beds
of flowers whose
border has been
overgrown with
friendly weeds

Thursday, June 17, 2010



she told me, as she laughed,
her friends called me
batting practice
behind my

I laughed uneasy enough
that she could tell I was
not getting it
so she let
me in
on it

if there was going to be
a switch hitter then
she would go do
batting practice
for a while to
work on her
form or her
swing til
she got
all the

it was something they laughed about
because they knew all the practice
in the world never changes the
original stance a batter takes
they just practice the other
side to be better hitters
when the toughest
pitchers take the
mound in the
long season
of the fall

the old batting coach reference made me smile
as a little tear welled up in my eye

I laughed along so as no one
noticed the tear but me

I was just doing my part
the grateful coach of
the winter season
in the minor

happy just to have someone
want to hold me close
for whatever reason

sometimes love is just
having a place in the
line up or at least
a uniform to put
on so you can
cheer with
your team

maybe even show a rookie
how to switch their stance
in the most crucial moment
pass on my experience
so when the time comes
they never question what
the next step would be
in a clutch situation
they would just
knuckle up
hold tight to the bat
stare down the
hardest pitcher
to get a hit
for your
when they need you
the most

maybe she might even
the old batting practice
the old batting coach

but, usually they don't
once they hit the
big leagues
with their
new team

it's okay
he always remembers them
as he cheers for them
in his heart
as they round the bases
on their own