Disappointment

Disappointment

I can see disappointment in a little girls eyes

from 500 milles away

I have seen it before in the eyes of children

from an even further distance

through high concrete walls

across great divides of loneliness

on holidays I would rather spend alone

no real celebration when you can see those eyes

in everything you do everywhere you go

I am very experienced in the vision

it sits there like the menacing grin

of the chesire that haunted alice

in her nightmare wonderland

I know from this experience

no amount of medication kills the pain

no amount of celebration eases the responsibility

the fumbled opportunity

to show up

to be seen in person

I have missed more days than I have made

for children that gave up counting

on me long ago

this will just be another one in a succession

a bad streak I was trying to break

can't fight poverty with my skillset

at least, I haven't won one yet

left to just sit here alone

with a feeling like

I been punched in the face

I been kicked in the gut

I been broke for so long

on days like this it breaks my heart

missing a little girl's birthday

even though

I can see the disappointment in her eyes

like she was standing right there

saying "why?"

I got no answers

except, when people say money can't buy

happiness

they might be right

but a few more dollars

might have bought my way

out of sadness

on a day like today